LIVING ROOM - NEARLY MIDDAY
HER, HIM.
He lies on the floor next to a dinner table. Its plastic surface is cracked and stained. His limbs are sprawled, a cigarette sticks between his lips. She sits on the table, lets her legs dangle as the table sways under her movement. The midday sun gushes through a small window, hitting half his face with its glaring light. A clock is ticking on the wall.
HIM
(squinting)
Can you please close that fucking curtain?
HER
So we really feel like we’re living in a prison? I don’t think so.
HIM
But we are living in a prison. Why not properly indulge in it.
HER
I think we’re actually pretty lucky. At least we have this place to ourselves. Imagine being in lock-down with your parents. I’d kill myself.
HIM
True. (He takes a puff of his cigarette). I still hate this.
HER
Of course you do.
He dumps his cigarette in the coffee cup next to him on the floor.
HIM
Did you know that after not having left a confined space for more than two weeks the human brain starts disintegrating?
A smile cracks open her stern features.
HIM
Just kidding, as long as we don’t run out of smokes my brain’s fiiine.
HER
Well, we will if we don’t get some bank together soon.
HIM
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. I’m gonna send that little ad I designed the other day out to all these rich-ass parents drowning in Armani suits while trying to stop they’re bored generation Z kids from masturbating all day. They’ll love to finally have found a good boy like me to throw their money at and feel like their doing a great job as a parent, supporting their kid’s creative development or some shit like that.
HER
You reckon your drawing lessons will work online?
HIM
Why the fuck not. All those super prestigious Instagram cunts are doing it too, I saw it, taking 50 bucks an hour, can you fucking believe that.
HER
I guess, it’s worth a try…
HIM
(He lights another cigarette.) After all this shit is over I’m gonna study international relations or something like that. Fuck this whole being an artist thing, I just wanna make bank and throw grand fucking cocaine parties on boats with strippers and when the cops come, I’ll just leave them standing in the dust of my limited-edition Lamborghini.
HER
(laughs)
If you ever make bank, you’ll go mad on drugs for a bit of time and then find your poor ass back on the street after a few months.
He falls silent.
HER (CONT.)
This (She gestures around the room.) is who you are. An Armani suit would look hella gross on you.
HIM
(with contempt)
I am not this place. You can go fuck yourself if you believe that.
HER
Is it really so bad here?
HIM
It’s the worst. Fuck, I’m gonna start throwing down these walls if I have to stay in here one day longer.
She looks down and her legs fall still. His gaze finds her and he sits up rapidly.
HIM
Hey, I just mean this place. You’re great, you’re literally the only thing keeping me sane here. I’d have fucking gone crazy if not for you.
A weak smile forms around her lips.
HER
Can I have a cigarette?
HIM
Sure.
She watches him roll a cigarette. He holds it up to her. She jumps off the table and takes it together with the lighter. She retakes her place on the table and lights up.
HIM
Sorry if I’m in a bad mood today. I just read this article about kids in foster homes and it just makes me so angry that society and politicians are letting this happen and life lets this happen and… I don’t know, it just makes me sad as fuck.
She looks at him and says nothing.
HIM
Do you think this whole being sad thing will ever stop? I know I’m sounding melodramatic but honestly, this is what keeps me awake at night.
HER
(taking a long drag of her cigarette)
You’ll just have to save the world, I guess…
HIM
I have ideas, you know.
HER
I know.
The room falls silent.
HER
I agreed to call Luke in half an hour.
HIM
Okay.
HER
He would like to meet you.
HIM
(snorts)
Well, I wouldn’t like to meet him.
HER
Why not?
HIM
Because that’s weird as fuck. Why the fuck does he even want to see me? That’s just so weird.
HER
I sometimes forget how much of a prude you really are.
HIM
If some other guy was fucking my girlfriend I would not want to see his fucking face smiling at me through a camera. No way.
She rolls her eyes.
HIM (CONT.)
I mean you do you, but I don’t want anything to do with that business. Poor guy.
HER
Poor guy?
HIM
Yeah, poor guy, how would you feel if he was fucking some other chick while you were sitting in this place all alone, waiting all day to see his face for 20 minutes through a fucking screen?
HER
I’d definitely want to see that girl he’s fucking.
HIM
Yeah, that’s because you’re weird.
HER
You know that we both agreed to have an open relationship even before all of this happened, don’t you?
HIM
Yes, yes, open relationships, my balls. That 21st century excuse for fucking as many people as possible while thinking of yourself as progressive and modern. In reality, people are just fucking each other up and forgetting what actual commitment even means.
HER
Do I really have to explain to you how open relationships work?
HIM
No, you don’t, forget about it, what are we eating for dinner?
HER
I’m not just forgetting about it. I don’t want you to have the impression I’m not playing a fair game here.
HIM
Nah, it’s okay, really, I appreciate you being here, and the time we’re having together, and whatever you do at home is your thing.
HER
It’s okay to be jealous, you know, we can talk about -
HIM
(laughing)
Please. Please don’t go there. Don’t make this a ridiculous teen drama conversation. (He takes a drag of his cigarette). Look, I know, for you this whole open relationship thing is still super exciting and hot and all but… give it a few more years and you’ll see my point.
HER
(quietly)
Every time you feel cornered you bring up the age difference thing. You know exactly how much I hate it.
HIM
I’m sorry, but only a 20-year-old girl would ask me if I’m jealous. Of course I feel weird because I really like you and you keep rubbing it in that you’re actually with another guy, but do I wanna talk about it like this? Hell no.
She stares at him for a few seconds.
HER
(sighs)
Then I guess we won’t talk about it.
They sit in silence for a while.
HER
I just wonder where all of this will lead…
HIM
What d’you mean?
HER
This whole quarantine situation. It seems so pointless.
HIM
Yeah, it’s just fucking insane, being trapped in here for weeks. And what for?
HER
(sarcastically)
The greater good.
HIM
Well, I hope at least a few lives get saved by this.
HER
Yeah, the precious lives of 100-year-old grannies. Wonderful.
HIM
You’re saying those lives are not worth saving, or what?
HER
To be honest… I don’t think it’s worth all of this.
HIM
Woah, alright, I guess this is where we disagree. This (He points around the room.) is absolute shit, but there is no way I’d put myself in the position to judge whose lives are worth saving and whose not.
HER
As a society, we have to make these choices all the time.
HIM
Yep, and I guess this is what society has decided on.
HER
But just because the media is spreading panic and fake news all day, making people think they’ll die if they come too close to someone on the street!
HIM
Oh, but that’s what people want, people fucking love this, being told what to do, being told what to feel, life is so easy suddenly, you just keep your head down, walk to the supermarket without looking at anyone, go back home, turn the telly on… They absolutely love it. (He smiles.)
HER
It’s terrible. It makes me feel like we should start standing up for our freedom.
HIM
Yeah right, our freedom. (He chuckles.) I just really wish people would smile at each other on the streets again, that would make life 100 times better already.
HER
It’s just so creepy that the government has the power to take away our freedom, which I thought was a human right, just because of some (She mimics quotation marks with her fingers.) emergency situation. And the way all our capitalist society suddenly unites in (She does it again.) solidarity, it reminds me way too much of how history books describe the atmosphere during war time. I mean, Corona is the ultimate enemy: Invisible and ubiquitous, killing our weak and defenceless. So now everyone feels destined to rush on a mission to save them, like in a fucking super hero movie? God, the hypocrisy makes me sick.
HIM
(He shrugs.) So what are you gonna do, join the Nazis in their anti-lock-down rallies?
HER
But are they really all Nazis? You’re making it too easy.
HIM
I think it’s funny how everyone now, where we are at least openly and honestly asked to give up our freedom for the sake of saving human lives, starts freaking out about it, and suddenly goes all like: Oh, yeah, fuck the government they can’t do this to us!!! When in reality, they have been doing this to us forever, and nobody gave a fuck because they could still go to that duff with their friends and pass out on acid.
A moment of silence.
HER
Are you angry at me or something?
HIM
No, why?
HER
Today, it feels like, whatever I say, you attack me.
HIM
Sorry, I guess I’m just tired of sitting here all day, doing nothing…
HER
You know, complaining won’t change anything about it.
HIM
Yeah, but how am I supposed to change something in this shithole? How am I supposed to feel like a human being when I haven’t felt some fucking grass under my feet for three fucking weeks? I just can’t stand staring at these same old moldy walls anymore, I just can’t.
HER
(sighs)
Will you ever stop?
HIM
(He smiles.) Aw, love, I’m sorry, I know I’m annoying but I just can’t help it sometimes. (He sucks on his cigarette.) You’re right though. It’s time to get shit done. Do you remember that morning I got up at 6am and painted those big, crazy portraits? That was good…
HER
It was…
HIM
What about you though? Haven’t seen you being busy much?
HER
Talking to you is basically doing research for my next play, so I’m alright.
HIM
There must be things more interesting to write about than me.
HER
Not at the moment.
HIM
Well, see, in the end, bumming around, smoking, it’s the best we can do right now.
HER
It’s definitely what you do best.
HIM
(snorts)
Wow, okay, seriously?
HER
What?
HIM
That’s just not something cool to say to someone.
HER
Are you seriously – That was a - (She does not finish her sentence and shakes her head.)
HIM
Nah, it’s okay, forget about it. Doesn’t really matter.
HER
(after a moment)
That was a joke, you know.
HIM
Yeah, sure, pretty funny joke, but whatever, forget about it.
HER
Umm, I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings that was obviously not my intention.
He rolls another cigarette as they listen to the clock ticking.
HER
(chews on her lower lip)
I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but we can’t dodge the topic forever…
HIM
Hmm?
HER
You know, they’ll have to lift the quarantine eventually. Probably in one or two weeks, otherwise the economy will collapse completely…
He shrugs. Her legs dangle back and forth.
HER
I mean… to be honest… I’m pretty sad you’re not cool with my concept of relationships… I’m gonna have a hard time doing without your morning surprises – be it pancakes or other kinds of fun. (She winks and smiles.)
He does not return her smile.
HER
Aw, come on, don’t always act as if it was my fault, I mean, it was clear from the very beginning that this was only a short-lived thing, wasn’t it?
HIM
Sure. But I still have the right to be pissed about that, haven’t I?
HER
(softer)
Of course, but… it just sometimes feels like you’re trying to push that truth away and would rather pretend that we’ll live happily ever after.
HIM
What am I supposed to do? Constantly think about how pointless all of this is because any time soon, you’ll run back to your boyfriend anyway?
HER
Why do you think it’s pointless just because it might end soon?
HIM
(shrugs)
It just feels like that to me. I told you, I don’t do casual sex and shit like that, things like this actually mean something to me.
HER
This means something to me too. But I can still accept that everything ends at some point, and some things do so sooner than others.
HIM
(snorts)
That’s just not how romantic feelings work for me, sorry, it’s just not that rational.
He puts out his cigarette while she stares thoughtfully at the wall.
HER
I guess everyone’s feelings work in a different way.
HIM
(He shrugs.) Isn’t the whole point of romance having mutual feelings?
HER
I don’t know. Maybe. But I don’t think there is anything I can change about this now, so…
HIM
Whatever.
HER
I kinda feel bad now.
HIM
Nooo, don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault. And life is goood, you know.
HER
Is it?
HIM
Yeaah, I mean, if we ever get out of here, I’m gonna race to my mate’s place, get 10 beers, do a fat line of MD and tell him how much I fucking love his balls. Life couldn’t be better.
HER
(smiles weakly)
Yeah, if we ever get out of here…
HIM
10 beers and a line of MD, believe me, that’s all you need. Oh, and can you pleease close that fucking curtain. I seriously can’t take it anymore.
HER
(ignoring his request)
I think tomorrow, I’ll paint the walls.
HIM
Yeah sure, tomorrow. (He reaches for his tobacco.)
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