0
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
In the winter of '67
My friends of that year, they were all getting queer
And me, I was just getting even
And those were the reasons and that was New York
I was running for the fucking money and the flesh
That was called love for the workers in song
And it still is for the few of us left
Ah but you got away, didn't you baby
You just turned your back on the crowd
You got away, I never once heard you say
I need you, I don't need you
I need you, I don't need you
And all of that jivin’ around…
And clenching your fist for the ones like us
Who are oppressed by the figures of beauty
You fixed yourself, you said "Well nevermind
We are ugly but we have the music"
And then you got away didn't you baby?
You just threw it all to the ground
When you got away I never once heard you say
I need you
I don't need you
I need you
I don't need you
And all of that jivin' around
Racing the midnight train
Racing the midnight train
I don't mean to suggest
That I loved you the best
I can't keep track of each fallen robin
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
That's all, I don't think of you that often
1
Light was flickering frantically around the flat, like glittering fairies, caged. Two dirty yellow-orange curtains were fluttering in the breeze of the open window. It was 7 a.m. A high note penetrated the moody sun rays. A fly sat down on a half-eaten peanut butter toast. Three heart-felt chords followed their high predecessor and a small, mousy-haired women rolled through her sheets. She had gotten used to sleeping through early morning piano practices weeks ago and her stirring was more of a sleepwalking dance than a sign of her waking up. Naked toes hanging down on one side of the bed and her hand tucked comfortably between her legs, she fell still again, snoring against the rhythm of the music.
On the other side of the hall, thin hands were moving faster and swifter than the fly buzzing around the kitchen leftovers, while a bare foot was tapping calmly on the dirty chamber rug. The 22-year-old piano player was humming softly, adding up to the absurdly peaceful morning atmosphere that had taken control of the flat.
One hour passed until the piano player first opened his eyes to the day. As usual, he had stood up blindly, found the keys and started listening and feeling and only when he deemed the listening and feeling sufficient, he dared to see the world. Vision was a violent medium and the sight of unwashed underwear and sticky dildos did not get him off in the mornings.
He grabbed a pair of crumpled boxers and shuffled into the bathroom. Taking a piss, he spotted a pack of cigarettes on the sink and lit one happily. He was in a good mood and could not place why. Maybe there had been less noisy motorcycles crashing down the street beneath his window this morning, creating that rare atmosphere of peace. Maybe it was the nice fuck they had had yesterday. He shrugged and flung on his bathing robe to get coffee down the street.
Unfortunately, it was not the delicious smell of freshly brewed coffee that woke the naked dreamer between her coffee stained sheets, but the sharp ringing noise of the telephone. Moaning, she scratched her eyes and pushed the pillow over her ears. But the noise did not show mercy. It continued ringing and soon she stood up fretfully but also quite curiously, jogging to the kitchen. “Hello?” she asked.
For a few seconds only the cracking of the line was to be heard. “Helloooo?” she repeated.
“Hi,” a high, soft voice suddenly answered. “Hi, Kay? It’s me… Lu.”
Her moss-green eyes widened. “You must be fucking kidding me.” She snorted and stared around the room wildly. She still felt dizzy from her rushed jump out of bed. “You must be fucking kidding me,” she repeated, this time distinctively louder.
“Listen – I don’t have much time, short on change, you know, but umm, I’m in New York. And I’m…” The woman’s voice cracked. “I’m not doing so great right now and …I just really need a place to crash and…” The voice trembled again. “I miss you.”
The fly came buzzing into the kitchen, distracting Kay for a second from the impenetrable weight on her chest. “Fuck you.” She exhaled. “It’s 389 Lorimer Street, Williamsburg.” With that she hung up.
Turning her gaze to the hallway she startled violently. “What’s up with you?” asked Robert, holding two cups of steaming coffee.
“Fucking hell,” said Kay and felt like she would never say anything else again. “Fuuck!” She pressed her head to the cold wall.
“Okay.” Robert pushed his way past her to the kitchen. Hopping on the counter and dangling his feet, he smoked in silence.
“Lu called,” she said in a raspy voice after a few minutes.
He nodded. “What’ she want?”
“Place to crash.”
He snorted. “Of course.”
“Do you mind?”
He shrugged. “If you feel like having her in your bed, I can’t be bothered.”
“I don’t really know how I feel.”
He pointed a cigarette in her direction. She took it. “Can’t blame you.”
For a while they smoked in silence. “So…”, Robert murmured. “You never really told me, what she’s like.”
A weak, nostalgic smile spread on Kay’s face. “I can only tell you what she was like.”
He shrugged again. A roaring engine crossed the street down the window, made the thin walls shudder.
She bit her lip. “She was… dreamy. Like a fairy floating through life, fragile and… beautiful.”
“Yeah, I saw your pictures.”
“She used to saw and stitch her own clothes. And mine too. She adored animals and always wanted to have a dog. But she never got one, because she thought it was terrible to have a dog living in the city. She was curious, joined in every adventure I proposed even if terrified at first. She… had always something to give.” A melancholic edge glued itself to Kay’s last words and her voice grew lower.
He grunted. “And you really haven’t spoken to her since she left you in Boston?”
“She called a few weeks after she had left. Telling me how sorry she was and all that bullshit. But yeah, other than that… it’s been nearly 2 years of silence.”
“Tough.”
The fly was still making its circles around the small kitchen, and they listened to its humming for a while.
“I think I still love her,” confessed Kay in a casual tone. “And that fucks me up.”
“Well, I can’t wait to meet her,” grinned Robert jumping from the counter and strolling back to his room.
Kay took his place on the kitchen counter and felt her naked skin stick to the plastic surface. The sun had risen above the vast building they had finished building only a few months ago on the other side of the street, when Kay moved again. She kept staring at that ridiculously lonely tree they had planted in front of the new building while immersing herself in the mental space of the time she and Lu had spent together, growing up together, living together, studying photography together. With a smack she detached her skin from the pale green surface, a smear of ketchup sticking to her left butt cheek.
When she left for work a few minutes later, it was clear to her that she would miss Lu’s arrival. Mostly she was glad she had an excuse not to hang around waiting all day like a kid for Santa. While fishing for the keys a few hours later, she was mildly surprised to hear the familiar sound of piano permeating the front door. Her heart beat raising, she pushed the door open.
And with a glance to her left, she saw her. A lanky blonde, sitting cross-legged on Robert’s bed, watching him play intently. Her head turned as the door creaked open and she cracked a smile, which made her face look complete. As she moved to stand up, her many necklaces and bracelets tinkled and her long, braided hair swung solemnly over her shoulder. In Robert’s extravagantly bleak room she looked like an exhibited piece of art.
“Hi,” she said in a soft engulfing voice, before closing her thin arms around Kay and gently pressing their hearts together. Tentatively Kay drew in the smell of someone who had not showered for one or two weeks. She tried to sniff beyond that, to find a familiar scent between all the sweat and dirt and found nothing. Suffocated, she drew back.
Robert was playing a delicate and recklessly tender melody which penetrated the body right between the collarbones. For a moment, Lu‘s hand hovered in the air like a bad magic trick, then came down on the spot between Kay‘s eyebrows and continued to trace her nasal bone right to the tip of her nose.
“Thank you for the music, Robert. It expresses my feelings better than I ever could have put into words.” Her hand travelled further down, caressed Kay’s cheek and neck and eventually came to rest on her heart.
Kay had stayed silent through the whole ceremonial process. But as Lu’s plain blue eyes met her gaze fearlessly, she recognized the way tears had formed a thin glaze around Lu’s eyeball, making it sparkle in the evening sun which fell through the window. With a sigh Kay’s stubby arms latched themselves on the disarmed body in front of her, dragging it closer and closer, until the physical barriers would not bend any further.
As Robert led the song into its final chords, Kay slowly started loosening the tight grip and gazed into Lu’s face, which was shining with tears. Without speaking they lowered themselves simultaneously to the floor of Robert’s room. Sitting cross-legged in front of each other, their hands found a connection, carefully grasping and caressing, they played intuitively.
Robert left the room silently to retake his place on the kitchen counter and open a tattered book in his lap. He carefully worked through two chapters of illustrated astronomy until he heard the first murmuring words from his room and the two girls emerged like secret lovers.
“Right,” exhaled Kay. “So Robert, this is Lu. Lu, this is Robert.”
“I know. We have already met,” he reminded her with the usual hint of boyish impatience in his voice.
“Right,” said Kay again, untypically lost for words.
Robert placed a cigarette in his mouth and gestured the pack in their direction.
“Uh, thanks, I don’t really smoke,” said Lu with a warm smile, while Kay took one.
“You don’t smoke, huh?” murmured Robert, contemplating the cigarette in his hands.
“So what?” Lu’s smile was unshaken.
Robert just shrugged. Hungry silence spread through the cramped kitchen.
“So…” Lu turned her gaze to Kay. “Who are you now?”
Kay snorted. “I am this.” She made a hand gesture indicating the room.
“You are a dirty flat and a gruffy roommate with exceptional piano skills?” Lu raised her eyebrows.
“Basically,” shrugged Kay. “On my good days, I’m also shooting a film about the city’s streets. And I’m earning a bit of cash by taking pictures of crime scenes… on my bad days.” Kay took a deep drag from her cigarette. “Who are you now?”
“I am here,” Lu said simply.
Kay gave her a somewhat angry look and turned towards the fridge. “You hungry?”
“Starving.”
“I’ll make sandwiches.”
On that Robert jumped from the counter and made his way to his room. “Have you eaten something today?” shouted Kay after him.
“Fuck you, mom,” he answered, closing the door behind him.
Ten minutes later, they sat on Kay’s king-sized bed, a comfortable island between stacks of loose paper, books, strips of film, pencils and clothes trashed on the floor, chewing their oily tuna between cold toast.
“Why are you here, Lu?” Kay asked when she had finished her toast with a definitive gulp and was lying on the bed, her limbs sprawled, a white sea star in the midst of blotchy sheets. It was no coincidence her thigh was touching Lu‘s crossed leg. Her gaze was absent-mindedly fixed on a hole in her friend’s sand-colored dress, revealing a tiny pink spot of knee skin. “Because you haven’t come back for me, have you?” Certainty endowed her words with a hard edge.
Lu looked down. Her long blonde hair fell like curtains in front of her face. “It’s not a very happy story.”
“Fuck happy stories,” said Kay.
“Well… I –“ Her words were barely audible against the busy evening traffic greeting them from the open window. “I got pregnant.”
Kay closed her eyes, not exactly surprised.
“And I came here to New York to get an abortion.” The muscles in Lu’s face were fighting to hold her features together. She did not meet Kay’s eyes.
“Well, did it work?” Kay asked.
“Yes,” her friend whispered, tears shining behind her words. “Yes, I… they did it this morning.”
“Great.” Kay swiftly got herself into a sitting position and saw her friend looking out of the window, pale as the wall behind her. “So why do you look so fucking horrified.”
Lu turned her head abruptly. “I had to kill my fucking baby, Kay.” Her voice sounded choked.
“Are you seriously getting sentimental about this?”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand…”
“What is there to understand? You got a bunch of cells removed from your body which would have ruined your life.”
“I felt something for that bunch of cells…” Her high soft voice stopped Kay from placing further attacks. “It just doesn’t fit the way I wanted to take part in this world. I never wanted to destroy, to kill…” Lu continued.
“Well, you didn’t have a choice. And now it’s over and done with,” said Kay, stripping her words of their previous aggression. “Do you know who’s the father anyway?”
Lu nodded. “I do know. He’s a great man. He would have loved to have the baby.” Her voice cracked with sadness in the end.
“Who is he?”
“Well… I’ve lived in a community of natives for the last year.”
“Native people? Like Indians?” asked Kay with raised eyebrows.
“Yeah… Even if they’re not much into the term ‘Indian’.” Lu’s voice had regained some strength.
“Where was this?”
“On the boarder to Canada. Near Syracuse.”
“Wow, that sounds… cool” Kay said. “How come… I mean how did you get to live with them?”
Lu shrugged. “I was just travelling, you know, hitching… And I met this guy who invited me to dinner. I was starving and accepted without thinking twice. And then, instead of a restaurant, I find myself around a campfire with his family, singing our thanks to the sky and eating home-made soup and corn. I instantly knew I had found myself a new home.”
“So that guy and you…”
“No, it was actually his brother…”
“So you were… in a serious relationship?”
Lu gave an unhappy laugh and shrugged. “Well, I know he wanted to marry me.”
“Marry you?” The words echoed through the room ominously. The walls listened with curiosity, never having heard such shockingly serious words.
“Well, more like make me his life partner or something. Nothing to do with the Christian church of course…”
“So… Were you gonna be… his life partner?”
“I was kinda dragging it out as long as possible… But when I realized I would be having a baby, I knew I had to make a decision: To stay and become a mother, a wife or…” She sighed. “Leave it all behind and never go back.”
For long minutes no one spoke, both girls strolled through their own thoughts, starring at the blotchy ceiling, observing the spiders spin their webs.
“Me and Robert, we’re fucking, you know,” Kay suddenly said.
“Hm,” made Lu absent-mindedly.
“He’s actually quite a nice guy. Even if he doesn’t show it all too much.”
“I thought so,” said Lu.
Their conversation ended but they did not move. The air they shared tasted like petrol and burned chicken and catching the light turning from orange to black in silence felt comfortable, felt safe. After a while, Kay noticed the breath of her friend coming slow and steadily and sat up to look into Lu‘s dream-stricken face. Eager to finally roam those familiar features with shameless intensity, she let her nose hover only a few inches above the delicate skin, greeting every freckle like an old friend. Then she jumped on tip-toes from the bed and grabbed her camera. She allowed herself to take one close-up shot of Lu’s face and neck and one covering her tangled body on the bed as a whole. Suddenly feeling dizzy and overwhelmed, she lay down her camera and stumbled out of the room. She needed a beer.
The door of Robert’s room was still closed when she walked past it to the kitchen. As she popped her bottle of icy beer, she heard it abruptly open. Like a cat he slid into the room.
Grinning knowingly, she reopened the fridge and passed him a beer. “Thanks,” he murmured, and they clinked their bottles. After taking the first sip, Robert turned back to the fridge. Without a word, he extracted the toast and ketchup and started stuffing the combination of both into his mouth. Kay watched him happily disgusted.
“So, what do you think?” Kay asked and turned her gaze to watch the headlights of the cars passing the building heedlessly.
Robert stuffed a last slice of toast into his mouth and threw the package back into the fridge. “I don’t think.”
Kay rolled her eyes and reached for the pack of cigarettes which was wedged between his boxer shorts and hip bone. Gleefully, she traced the mold between stomach and bone, it was her favorite spot of the human body. She had told him so on several occasions.
“I feel that she’s different from us,” he finally uttered in a low voice.
“She quite certainly is.” Suddenly finding herself smiling a stupid smile, Kay took a sip of beer.
“Well, I’m not quite sure she will fit in here… I mean… You know the way we live is not particularly usual.”
Kay snorted. “That’s exactly why she will fit in like your dick in my mouth. She’s crazy, man. At the very least, as crazy as us.”
“Yeah, and as far as I can see, she’s also a fucking hippie.” Robert snatched the cigarettes from her hand.
“We’re all fucking hippies, darling. We have no cash and live for love. That’s it.”
A slight smile lit up Robert’s face. Turned it from harsh to angelic. He did not answer, and no further words were exchanged until morning.
2
Sun rays sank softly through the curtains, tip-toed into the small room which was not much more than a two-meter bed and an antique wardrobe, which suffered under the weight of the five t-shirts that hung in it. The walls sighed under the layer of newspaper and polaroid pictures stuck to them with cheap tape and pined for a warming touch of sun light. The delicate rays of light were suddenly jolted by powerful sound waves crushing into them. The woman sprawled on the bed did not take notice of the crash. Her arm was extended to the left side of the bed, where the crumpled sheets indicated the absence of a second person.
On the other side of the hall, only separated by two ridiculously thin doors, the blind piano player was letting his fingers sink into the keys ruthlessly. His hands seemed particularly electrified today, urging him to play melodies he had never played before. Panting, he rocked his naked body back and forth, his curls swinging along the ecstatic movement.
A woman with long uncombed hair was sitting next to his feet on the floor, as she had done every morning of the past week. The first three mornings Lu had just sat, silent as a single blade of grass swaying between the alternating melodies. On the fourth morning she had entered the room with a notebook in her hand. After half an hour she started scribbling. Lively words and sketches quickly filled the yellowed pages.
At some point, the music would stop, and Robert would walk out without a word. Sometimes he returned with coffee. Sometimes he did not return until the sun had already gone down. At some other point Kay would stand up. Walk around, swear and eat toast, swearing even more.
When Kay came back from the kitchen to get ready for work, which meant she would pick up a shirt and lousy jeans from the floor of her room and throw them on in a rush, she met her blonde friend gazing at the long wall covered with photographs and cut out newspaper articles.
She smiled proudly. “I’ll talk you through them when I’m back.”
However, when stepping back into her room a few hours later, it was Lu who started talking: “You should put this up as an exhibition, just like that.”
“Why?”
“It tells a story. It actually tells a lot of stories. This guy,” Lu pointed to a heavily tattooed rapper grinning next to a forlorn candy shop. “He’s buying sweets for his adopted nephew. Could be this kid.” Another finger indicated a photograph of a Chinese kid, who was running after a football on a sidewalk. “The thing is, he doesn’t know that his nephew doesn’t like sweets because he has been to a foster family that fed him on cake and chocolate for two months during Christmas. But it doesn’t really matter as he’s eating most of the candy himself anyway. Hasn’t been to a candy shop for years. Actually, he’s just thinking that he’ll be writing a track called Candy Shop Vol. 2.”
Kay laughed and hugged her friend from behind, looking over her shoulder at the photographs on the wall.
“Oh, and this one” The smug guy on the picture, partly hidden by a big red ‘do-not-enter’ sign, looked straight into the camera. “This one is definitely an old lover of yours, right at that moment feeling the regret of his mistakes and wishing to be a better man for you. I see it in his eyes.”
“He’s actually gay, you know.”
“He’s definitely bi. That look… Maybe he just didn’t tell you.”
“Maybe.”
“And this must be your favorite donut place…”
Kay shook her head while tugging a wild strand of Lu’s hair out of her eye. She rested her head on Lu’s shoulder, feeling semi-comfortably happy. “It’s actually a place close to Queens where they sell old jewelry made new.”
“Well, it’s certainly a cool picture.”
“Yeah, it’s a cool place too. I mean, everyone knows they buy most of their material from kids nicking in Manhattan, but it’s nice people, they pay them good, and they invite them and basically everyone who is around for nice big dinners, which you eat from plastic plates, sitting on the floor between golden necklaces.” Kay’s cheerful tone faded. “But I heard they have to shut down soon, cops are on their way, you know…”
Lu shuffled and Kay broke up her tight embrace to let her turn around. “So, what about your film?” asked Lu, her blue eyes meeting those of her friend curiously.
“Oh, it’s not really a film, it’ll be more like a mix of videos cut together.”
“Do you have them here?”
“Nope, I have everything at Billie’s garage, ten blocks from here. He’s a cool guy, let’s me use his equipment for free and all. I could never buy all that stuff on my own, like the camcorder, the cassettes, the recorder… I’m glad I have my cute little camera, that’s all.” Kay shrugged. “But I’ve some sketches and ideas for future scenes here, if you wanna see?”
They spent the rest of the day lying between a number of loose, wrinkled papers, pencils behind their ears, dreaming big.
That night, when all words and ideas had left their brains and they were lying in silence, bodies interlocked, neither of their minds reached tranquility. Lu, who would normally have been sleeping hours ago, felt edgy and her hand, which rested on Kay’s belly, started moving, crawling like a curious spider, tickling certain soft places and extending her five fingers like scrambling legs. After a while Kay turned around and buried her head in Lu’s straw-like hair. They held each other tightly in what seemed like unity. And when their lips met, a warm but short kiss was shared, before Lu smiled and drew back gently. It was the first night they slept on different sides of the bed.
On some evenings Robert would come home late and stand swearing in the hall, tearing impatiently on the bow tie he was forced to wear for his performances. Kay would step out into the hall and help him silently. Then they would disappear into Robert’s room. On some of these nights, Lu was sleeping peacefully, while on others she listened to the rhythmic rumbling of the bed, slapping sounds and high cries while staring out of the window.
This particular night, she woke up facing the strong urge to pee and crawled out of bed. Her bare feet touched the cold floor and she shivered. The familiar noises from the neighboring room were penetrating the nightly flat shamelessly. “Ah, ah, ah,” it sounded abruptly, followed by a long and high “ahhhhhh”, and a “shut the fuck up”. She slid the door of Kay’s room open carefully. Before she could make her first step out of the room, she froze. The door at the other side of the hall, not even three steps away from her, stood widely open, flooding the hall with light. She blinked.
Robert’s tall, naked silhouette stood out against the orange light of the lamp. Kay’s bent body was fixed with broad straps of leather to the bedstead in front of him. Her legs were splayed, and her hole shone bright and red in the lamp light. Robert’s head suddenly turned and his dark eyes found Lu’s.
His gaze had lost all its usual reticence. No layer of anxiety, distrust or loneliness was separating Robert from his surroundings any more. He was present, very present. And not backing away but pushing forward. Lu found herself bending under his strength, reaching for the door frame for support.
Then, his movements were happening faster than she could grasp in her current mental space, he had shut the door with a bang. Dazed, she stumbled forward towards the bathroom. When she slid her panties down her legs, she noticed a damp egg-shaped spot on the flimsy fabric.
After falling asleep to the sounds of violent lust, she was awoken by a melody as sweet and sticky as honey. Kay lay flat on her stomach next to her, her naked ass sticking out towards the ceiling. Careful not to wake her snoring friend, she made her way to Robert’s room. When she slid open the door, he did not show any sign acknowledging her presence. This was usual. For a few seconds she watched him play. His eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, his shoulders square and his hands swifter than ever. The honeyish melody had evolved into something heavier, something laden with what seemed like despair but felt more like desire. She sank to the floor next to his right leg, nearly touching it.
The air felt different this morning. Lu saw the heavy leather straps lying next to the bed and swiftly averted her gaze. She had been confronted with kinky leftovers of night activities in Robert’s room before, but now it was different. Now she had seen. And he had seen her.
She did not feel like piling up words in her notebook today. Instead she stared at Robert’s leg moving up and down on the pedal, resisting the urge to reach out for it, and feel its movements under her fingertips. The melody came to its end and Robert dove right into a new, slower title, full of pauses and strange changes of rhythm. Lu observed his foot nearly coming to a rest over the pedal and finally gave in to the desire of connecting with him, not only through the music, but physically.
When her hand came to rest lightly on his naked calf, she felt him stiffen. The music continued uninterrupted in its perfection. She did not repent. Closing her eyes, she felt for a connection to his heartbeat. Slowly her hand started wandering up from his calf to his knee, further to his thigh, caressing his hairy and slightly sweaty skin. Completely immerged in a state of emotion, she bent over to place kisses on his ankles, following the trace up to his thighs her hands had predefined.
Soon she found herself kneeling in between his two legs, the piano, and his stiff penis, which she kissed and caressed as any other part of his body. The music engulfed her in the way she wished Robert’s body to hold and settle around her. And at that moment she could not tell the difference. Robert or the music touching her, it was all the same. And as if it was his hand pulling her hair or grabbing her head, the thundering music made her mouth close around his erection and suck and lick and respond to its needs as good as she knew. The melody had dissolved and made way for loud incoherent chords which resonated through the room in irregular intervals. Her jaw muscles were tight and hard, forming her lips to a nice O which stumbled over the ridge between the glans and shaft like a rubber band over the threshold between pen and cap. Her movements got faster, sucking up and down the twitching penis, up and down and up and down and up and down. She had given up consciousness, let down all her guards and left the remaining amount of control to the music. Slowly getting washed away by the insane rhythm felt like freedom and she adhered to its pursuit of climax willingly. And when Robert came into her mouth already dripping from saliva, the piano emitted a deep growl, she gulped, and all went silent.
It was 2 a.m. when the sounds of someone failing to match the key in the lock resonated through the flat. A short woman with wavy bangs stumbled shortly after into the hall, throwing her jeans jacket carelessly to the floor. Cursing under her breath, she made her way to the kitchen, where a dark figure sat on the counter, solely illuminated by the pale moon light falling through the window and the gleam of a cigarette in his right hand.
“You drunk?” Robert’s voice was only slightly louder than the buzzing of the fridge.
“Yep,” answered Kay, getting closer and slowly being able to make out his face, which looked ghostly in the white light.
“Are you fucking with Lu?” His voice maintained its disinterested tone.
“Nope.” Kay placed her hands on his thighs, directly under the hem of his boxer shorts and leaned in. “Are you fucking with Lu?”
He stayed silent for a second. “That’s what I wanted to talk about. This-“
“Great,” interrupted Kay. “So you are fucking. I really can’t be bothered.” She took a step back and averted her gaze.
Robert rolled his eyes. “Of course, you’re bothered. Don’t fuck around.” He took a drag from his cigarette. “See, it was just a blowjob this morning, but I’ve been thinking and-“
“I thought you didn’t think?” cut Kay in, her voice sounding heavily annoyed.
“For fuck’s sake, take a fucking cigarette and calm down. You’re better than the jealous girlfriend move.”
Kay considered his words for a moment. “Sorry.” She took the cigarette he was offering and lit it impatiently. “So, what were you thinking?”
“I think we should let her join.”
“Let her join?”
“It’s kind of a dick move to let her listen every night to us playing around, especially now that I’m pretty sure she actually would like to join.”
“How do you get the idea that she would be into that?” Kay asked frowning.
“I just know. You might have to trust me on that.”
“So, what’s your plan? You just wanna ask her over breakfast?” She laughed.
“If you think you could handle that situation, yeah, something like that,” he answered.
“You are crazy.”
“Are you in or not?”
Kay snorted. “Sure. Why not. Sounds like fun.”
Robert’s beautiful, satisfied smile settled the matter. He jumped from the counter.
Kay stood in his way. “Where do you think you’re going,” she asked putting her hands on his chest and grinning mischievously.
“Bed. You should try that too, sober up a bit.” He slid past her.
“Fuck you,” mumbled Kay and a few moments later she heard the door to his room slam shut.
The next day, a strange tension spun its web through the flat. From 3 p.m. onwards all of them were home but no one spoke. Lu had been shopping and when Robert entered the kitchen while she was unpacking groceries, he only gave the apples she had bought a disgusted look and turned back to his room. Afterwards he graced the flat with alien, unmelodic piano sequences, which made Kay angry, but she did not dare to break the silence.
It was only when the sun rays had started falling in picturesque shades of orange through the dirty windows, that Robert caught Kay’s hand as she was returning to her room after taking a piss. The door to both their rooms stood widely open, and over Kay’s shoulder he could see Lu lying on the bed, scribbling into her notebook. He pulled Kay very close to him, placing one hand on her waist, and whispered in her ear. “Now would be a good moment, don’t you think.”
At the same time his eyes were still fixed upon Lu’s lying figure, and to his delight, she looked up at that very moment, giving him the opportunity to lock his eyes with hers. While he pulled Kay slowly into his room, he kept his firm gaze on Lu, giving her a small roguish smile. Then he nodded to the open door of the room, daring her to walk through. Her calm eyes considered him for a moment, and, as hard as he tried, he could not read the language they were speaking in. To his surprise, she started pulling herself up from the bed moments later.
His dark eyes followed her tall figure as she walked past him through the door frame, her long skirt swaying behind her. For a few seconds, she stood firmly in the center of the silent room, her chin lifted, eyes soft. Her hands were hovering a few inches next to her thighs, and he saw them trembling under tension. He stepped behind her and engulfed her hands in his palms. They were very cold.
Kay was sitting on the floor with her back leaning on the bed frame. Her wide eyes gazed upwards, reaching for Lu’s, engaging them in an intimate dance. Inch by inch, Robert let go of Lu’s thin hands in order to move his gentle touch to the upper part of her thighs. The fabric of her skirt rustled under his fingers as they wandered further up the hips. He could hear Lu’s rhythmic breaths now and he was sure Kay could hear them too. They pumped the room with rising tension, inflating it to a vast space of endless possibilities. Slowly, he let his hands glide under the seams of Lu’s shirt, feeling her skin sizzle under his fingertips while goosebumps spread over the delicate surface.
Kay had risen to her feet and was now standing directly in front of Lu, still gazing mesmerized into her friend’s eyes. Her hand floated aimlessly through the air like a confused insect before landing on Lu’s lips. Two fingers extended and started crawling over the swollen, pink skin before gliding in between its gates into warm wetness. Kay could feel Lu’s teeth scratching along the upper part of her fingers as they pushed their way forward along the length of the tongue. She thought of all the past games they had played and realized the back of Lu’s throat still felt the same as it had two years ago. With a grin she drew her hand away from Lu’s mouth and impatiently started pulling at the seams of her friend’s skirt. Her rapid movements shook up the energy of the room and let it burst into pieces.
Robert withdrew his hands from under Lu’s shirt. His fingers felt cold and useless in the absence of her skin. He tucked a loose curl behind his hear and considered the two girls in front of him for a moment. Observing Kay laying bare Lu’s long legs in such an intensely greedy way sent a wave of heat through him and soon his hands found their way back to Lu’s waist, this time gripping her shirt and pulling it over her head.
In no time Lu stood free of all clothes. Dark blonde hair covered her genitals and her long braids did the same with large parts of her small, freckled breasts. Illuminated by the flickering gold of the last sunrays of the day and cornered by the two dressed figures, she looked unafraid, returning Kay’s gaze curiously.
Robert wrapped his right arm around Lu’s neck, send a lightning through her calm eyes. He could feel her breath catch in that part of her throat against which his lower arm inflicted slight pressure and soaked up her vulnerability like oxygen. As Kay started undressing hastily in front of their eyes, Robert grabbed a few strands of Lu’s hair, tilted her head to the left and lowered his mouth to her ear as if to whisper a secret into it. Instead of words, it was his tongue penetrating her ear, making sure she could not hear anything but heavy breaths and the smacks of his saliva.
As soon as Kay had stripped her body from the last piece of cloth, he eased his grip around Lu’s neck and pushed her into Kay’s arms like a puppet. When the naked bodies collided, Kay took Lu’s head decisively and involved her in a deep kiss. Robert watched the intertwined bodies and knew he would write a piece called journey from the sun to the moon tonight when everyone else was sleeping. With a smile he drew Lu back by the shoulder roughly, and hearing her stumble back, he slammed Kay into the wall next to his bed, replacing Lu’s mouth with his. Taking hungry bites, he held Kay tightly by the neck as she fought to tear away from him. Finally, she succeeded. “You taste like shit in comparison”, she said. He grinned and smacked her across the face so hard her head snapped around. When she looked back up, her smile outshone her scarlet cheek.
With the last bits of natural light, all remaining inhibitions escaped the room through the open window. Robert turned on a little lamp hiding on the floor next to the piano. The fabric of its shade had a particularly corny pattern that tinged everything in blotchy orange light, transforming the room into a stage, where Robert commanded and pushed limbs around like a director creating his all-time favorite scene. It was a rather fast-paced scene. Their silhouettes performed a wild dance on the wall, knees hit the ground, Lu was pulled back into action, hands came down on sweaty skin, made blood throb and shine while tongues played like children drawing wet meandering traces.
Time got squeezed between their bodies, melting to a puddle on the floor and after what seemed like either half a life time or less than five breaths, Lu found herself staring into Robert’s eyes, in a very similar way she had only two nights ago. Their bodies were separated by Kay, who was rocking back and forth on all fours between them, being slammed forward by Robert’s feverish thrusts and drowning her face in Lu’s wet cavity. Spit was trickling down Lu’s thighs and her knees hurt and itched from being pressed into the wiry carpet, but now that Robert’s eyes had caught hers, she did not realize anymore. His eyes were speaking to her. Louder than Kay’s muffled cries. And she answered, breathing faster, deeper, engaging with the rhythm of his movement, burying her hand in Kay’s hair, supporting and guiding her. As her breaths became gasps, she thought she felt something disconnect in her self and reach out for Robert. Like a loose cable looking for a new port. Something in his widely open eyes, flashing at her like headlights, told her that he welcomed her gift, that he understood and that he respected it. A connection materialized. With a high-pitched sigh she let go and contracted around Kay’s tongue. Only seconds later Robert took his last thrust, and exhausted, they fell apart.
After only a few moments of rhythmical alternating breathing, Robert was heaving himself up and made his way out of the room. The two girls were left lying on the carpet, staring up to the ceiling, which was full of stains the color of moss. They listened to the sounds of the shower emitting water jets in varying intervals. Lu turned to Kay, looking into those wide eyes shining above blotchy, reddened cheeks, and smiled, letting her lips fall onto Kay’s open mouth. Her still delirious friend answered gratefully, sighing and moaning into Lu’s soft lips, indulging in their sweetness. Lu could sense tension and craving in the way Kay buried her hand in her hair and gently let her hand wander to Kay’s swollen clitoris. With calm eyes and jangling hair, Lu lead her friend through three consecutive orgasms. The sounds of splashing water had long ago faded and were replaced by Kay’s long, heart-felt cries resonating through the flat, echoing hollowly in the ear of the crouched figure sitting in the kitchen darkness, smoking.
“I’m hungry,” whispered Kay as her breath had calmed down and she started noticing her butt itching from rubbing against the dusty carpet fabric. They crawled up from the floor and walked to the kitchen together. As they entered, Robert gave them a short look before lighting another cigarette.
“I can cook if you want. I bought some stuff,” said Lu abruptly.
Kay’s lips slowly spread into a warm smile. “Yeah… sounds great.”
Placing the cigarette in the corner of his mouth, Robert slid from the kitchen counter to the tiles of the hall floor. This was as much approval as you could get from him.
The next half an hour they spent in peaceful, productive silence, Lu only sometimes giving gentle instructions to Kay who quickly learned what a zucchini was but not how to cut it properly. In the very last corner of the cupboard Kay found a smeary pot, which was covered with black crumbles and a respectable amount of dust. Proud with her achievement, she turned her look back to the zucchinis. “It’s fine, I can do the rest, thanks,” said Lu while washing the pan in the sink. Kay grinned apologetically and joined Robert to sit smoking on the floor.
The soundscape of the highway below soon mixed with the splashes of frying vegetables and the bubbling of rice water, for a short while creating the atmosphere of a busy midtown restaurant. When the food was served on two plates and one bowl with jagged edges everything suddenly fell silent.
Lu lay the plates and forks solemnly to the floor in front of her two friends, before lowering herself down to complete their small, deformed circle of slouched hungry bodies around the food. No one spoke, but their eyes sought each other, sparkling in the bleak kitchen light, which emanated from a bulb loosely dangling from the ceiling. Lu took Kay’s hand to her right and Robert’s to her left and said: “Thank you for sharing your home with me.” Kay averted her eyes and her grin swayed between a scoff and a bashful smile. Robert looked Lu firmly in the eyes and squeezed her hand lightly.
“Oh, let’s please not get into the corny stuff right now. If I have a place to sleep, you have a place too. It’s as easy as that.” Kay broke the connection of their hands to reach for her fork. “Can we start eating or is there any god we have to thank first?”
“It’s probably Lu, we should be thanking,” murmured Robert.
“Right. Thanks Lu, thanks for taking the virgin status from our kitchen.” Kay grinned and shoved the first portion of rice and vegetables into her mouth.
“Someone had to do it.” Lu shrugged and mirrored Kay’s grin.
“I’m not sure if it was exactly consensual though,” added Robert and all of them laughed. A fly entered through the window and joined the merry round.
A few nights later, three hunched bodies were forming a distorted triangle in Robert’s bed. In the darkness the bed looked like a rumpled yard, sheets and human bodies blurring into one chaotic existence. Suddenly words broke the midnight silence:
“Have you ever looked at the world from the top of a mountain?”
Kay, surprised to find herself ripped out of a fuzzy dream world, blinked, her lashes tickling Robert’s chest. “Umm,” she made. “I dunno know, my parents used to take us to Blue Mountains few times a year. But that’s more like hills. Probably not what you mean…”
Lu didn’t answer. The cars down the window passed by rhythmically, being occasionally interrupted by a particularly noisy motorcycle.
“I don’t remember ever climbing anything higher than Cedar hill in Central Park,” said Robert and Kay gave a muffled laugh.
“We could go, you know. I’d take you… we’d grab some car and we’d be off. And then I would let you climb to the very top of some lonely Rocky summit. You would see then…” Lu’s words floated to them from the end of the bed. She was absent-mindedly caressing Kay’s calf.
“What would we see?” Kay asked.
“What you have been looking for.”
“And what would that be, in your opinion?” Sleepy irony accompanied Kay’s words through the midnight darkness.
Lu shifted her position to face the narrow ceiling. “For once, you would hear silence. True silence.” She paused. “You would see how small we are, and how powerful the universe is in comparison. Climbing Maroon Peak taught me what love is.”
Kay snorted. The darkness was closing in around them, no moonlight clearing up the thick air.
“I would like to hear the silence.” A dark whisper cut the viscid atmosphere.
Lu gave the ceiling a wide smile, which no one saw. Soon distinctive sounds indicated that her friends had fallen asleep. Lu’s eyes kept open, staring into the unresponsive blackness above. I love you, she mouthed, each of her hands resting on the leg of one of her friends, her heart fat and red like a ripe tomato.
3
The luscious sounds of heavy rain hitting pavement slid through the cracks in the wall and mingled with the humid haze and tear drop melodies that were floating through the air. The music seemed to accompany the rhythm of the water effortlessly, gliding through its currents with elegance. A human movement joined the flow, two legs splashing on the floor and meandering towards the spattered window. For several moments the figure obstructed the soggy morning light from entering the room and its slim silhouette stood out blurredly against the iron clouds.
When the figure moved again, the splashing rain had been replaced by a murmuring drizzle and the sounds coming from the piano had grown in intensity. With great care, knees touched the floor and soft feminine hands came to rest on the back of the piano player. Five times the hands accompanied the slow breaths of the body, rising and falling in harmony. Then a forehead sank between the muscles imbedding the spine of the piano player, bathing in the pillow of skin and quickly adapting to its light movements.
As her head glided against Robert’s sweaty body, Lu felt the energy overflowing physical boundaries and pouring between them like tea from one cup to the other. She sucked in the scent arising from his skin and exhaled a fresh breeze to dry up his sweat. For a moment the music paused. Then it plunged into a delicate, slowly dripping rhythm full of high notes and heart-felt pauses. Together they swayed and breathed.
With intense finality the last chords penetrated the room and Robert stood up, letting Lu’s forehead slide down against his damp skin. While she kept her solemn stare fixed on the piano, he made his way around her in a few strides and, with a light touch of his hands, asked her to get on her feet and turn around. When he opened his eyes for the first time that day, he took in her face shining bright and pure in the delicate morning light. With the reverence and precision of a doctor, he closed his hand around her throat, her larynx throbbing mesmerizingly against his palm. He leaned in and whispered into her ear: “I wrote that last piece for you.” For a few seconds they stood transfixed like a still from a rare movie. “Thank you, ” replied Lu, feeling her vocal cords rub against the slight pressure of his hand. He let go only seconds later and when he left the room, she inhaled with the urgency of someone drowning, the air rushing into her lungs like a roaring waterfall.
The kitchen buzzed in the heat of a 32 degrees day as well as the sizzling sounds of oil and egg frying in the pan. Lu was sitting on the floor next to a run-down fan, which achingly added its noise to the summer soundscape. She was scribbling in her notebook, frowning. “Will you read me another poem of yours?” asked Kay, while squinting into the pan through her sweaty lashes and poking around in the scrambled eggs. “I’ll just finish this one, and then I’ll read it to you.”
As Kay scraped the half-burned eggs out of the pan, Robert strolled into the kitchen, naked. “Do you want some eggs?” His gaze, which had been fixed on the fridge, turned to Kay. His eyes spoke of disgust. “Don’t gimme that look, you sexy bastard”, she said. Robert opened the fridge, grabbing a bear, condensed water trickling down his fingers. The glass bottle nearly slit out of his hands. “For fuck’s sake, can you turn off that noisy piece of shit?” He shot the fan a nasty look. Kay snorted. “You’re a moody bitch, d’you know that?” Standing behind him, she slapped his arms with both hands and shook them.
In seconds, he had pulled out of her grip, whirled around and pushed her back by the shoulder while his right hand pressed the cold bottle to her neck. Icy drops pearled down her neckline and slid into the tight gap between her breasts. “Don’t fuck with me today,” Robert said in a low voice. Kay’s lips formed a wide, nasty grin. She leaned in and left a wet trace with her tongue from his shoulder to his ear. “Uh huh.” He grabbed her hair and pulled her to the left. With his other hand he took a sip of his beer. Then he placed it calmly on the kitchen counter. Still holding her head in that unnatural position, he followed the wet trace on her neck with one of his fingers, pushing them between her bulging tits. Kay’s eyes sparked.
“You know, I wouldn’t fuck you on a day like this if you were begging on your knees with my dick in your mouth,” Robert said slipping his hand out of their tight embrace with a smack.
“Ugh, you’re such a spoilsport.” Kay stuck her tongue out. Robert caught it behind his fingers and tweaked it. She squealed. He smiled. It was the first smile he cracked that day. They watched him strolling out of the kitchen, his limbs at ease.
„So, you like it when he hits you and stuff?“
Kay was half-way finished with her eggs on toast when Lu’s murmured question made her look up from her food in surprise. „Umm yeah. It‘s called BDSM, darling. Have been diving into that a bit for the last year. It‘s fun.“
„Hmm,“ made Lu, doodling inky patterns on the margins of her notebook.
„You’re wondering if you want Robert to hit you too, aren‘t you?“
„Maybe.” Lu played with a bead in her hair. “I would never have thought that I could find beauty in violence.”
“There’s beauty everywhere. Especially in the crazy things.” On the way to her mouth a bit of egg fell from Kay’s toast onto her thigh. She snatched it back onto her toast, shrugging. “But you just have to check it out for yourself.” In a matter-of-fact tone she added: “I’m sure Robert would be more than happy to show you.”
Frowning, Lu turned to look at her friend, who was leaning against the fridge in front of her. Kay’s eyes remained intently fixed upon the remaining bit of toast on her plate. “I’ll think about it,” said Lu, snapping her notebook shut.
The street below was jammed with cars stuck in afternoon traffic. Honking and frustrated voices filled the air, while a close-by neighbor blasted Tiny Dancer mercilessly through his open window. Kay rolled her eyes and flicked through another page of her photo album. She was lying lazily on the small strip of unoccupied floor her room had to offer while sweat slowly accumulated in the mold of her lower back. No breeze was coming from the open window and cigarette smoke rose undisturbedly from her hand to the ceiling, showcasing delicate formations, proclaiming the aesthetics of death.
All the sudden, the artful smoke quivered, the door opened, and Robert stepped into the room.
“What’s up?”, he asked, leaning in the doorway.
Kay did not look up. “Oh, just bumming around, enjoying some good old Elton John, as it seems.”
Robert snorted. “Yeah, haven’t heard that song often enough yet, have we.” His sarcasm seemed well-tempered today.
Kay hummed assertively and put out her cigarette in the coffee cup next to her.
Robert drummed his fingers against the door frame. “Where’s Lu?”
“No clue, I think she left about an hour ago, for a walk or something.” Kay turned another page in her album. Suddenly, she could feel something gliding along her naked back. She flinched and wheeled her head around.
Robert had lowered himself down to her and was walking his fingers on the damp skin of her back.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know, maybe looking for a bit of fun on this otherwise fairly boring day?”
Kay relaxed back to the floor without an answer. After a short pause, Robert’s fingers regained movement and wandered higher up her back, unhinging Kay’s bra. He rolled her over on her back, forcing her to face him. Her breasts popped out of her loose bra and her teeth gnawed on her lower lip. Roaming her body joyfully with his gaze, Robert pinched one of her pink nipples and Kay exhaled sharply. Grinning, he engulfed her breast with widespread fingers, squeezing it demandingly while Kay looked at him with wide eyes, her limbs sprawled loosely across the floor.
With a sigh, she sat up abruptly, making Robert’s hand slip to the floor and his grin fall off his lips. “I don’t think I can be doing this right now.”
“What?”, he said, a bewildered look on his face.
“I’m not feeling it,” she repeated. “Seems like you have to look for fun somewhere else. Sorry.” She did not sound apologetic.
“What’s up, are you still mad because of yesterday?”
“What was yesterday?” asked Kay in a disinterested kind of tone.
He did not answer immediately but stared at her intently for a few seconds. “I’m not sure how I deserve all that attitude you’re giving me right now.”
Kay sighed loudly. “Look, I’m sorry, I’m not mad or anything. I just really don’t feel like it today, okay?”
“Okay.” Robert shrugged and got up from the floor. “Tell me when your mood comes back from the dead.”
“Sure will.”
He left the room with a frown and an itchy hard-on.
The smell of exhaust gases and cigarettes meandered through the flat, crawled in and out of the open windows with the breeze. The dry midday air was apt to make every skin wrinkle. A sketchy pencil drawing swirled through the hall when the opening front door suddenly put a halt to its lonely dance, catching it under its heavy feet, crushing and tearing it in its movement. Lu stepped into the hall, giving the tormented paper a frowning glance, before stumbling further into the flat under the weight of two long-limbed plants.
Kay emerged from her room. “What are you doing?” Her eyebrows rose into the air as she took in the lush green leaves sticking out under Lu’s arms.
“These,” She put the two pots down to the floor. “are our new friends now.”
Kay laughed. “Oh honey… They won’t survive the end of the week here.”
“They will, if you take care of them,” said Lu.
“And then Robert’ll come home and stick his cigarette butts into them.”
“I’ll tell him to take care of them too.”
“Right, because he always does as he’s told,” said Kay sarcastically.
“Sometimes he listens to me, you know.”
“Yeah, because you’re some magical fairy or something.” Lu gave a smile and Kay’s arms glided around her body affectionately, caressing her back. They stood intertwined for long moments.
“I love you,” whispered Kay, rubbing her nose into Lu’s neck. Lu’s fingers were combing through Kay’s short hair, massaging her scalp. For several moments the distant buzz of the kitchen fridge was all that could be heard. Kay drew her head back slightly, so as to see into her friend’s eyes. “I love you,” she said again, her mouth hovering over Lu’s lips, before finally sinking into them. They exchanged a careful, almost neat kiss.
Then Kay broke away, a sigh escaping the thin gap between her teeth. “Okay.” They both opened their eyes. A sad smile had spread on Kay’s lips. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lu’s eyes confronted the inquisitive gaze of her friend with wide, blue openness. “I was still listening to myself.”
“And what is it you’re hearing now?”
Lu exhaled and sank to the floor next to the plants, pulling Kay down with her. They sat facing each other cross-legged, as they had done on the first day of Lu’s arrival. Lu took Kay’s hand and pressed it to her heart. “I hear this.” The steady rhythm of her pumping heart pulsated through both their hands. “It’s speaking to you right now, can you hear it too?”
“I’m not sure if I’m still able to read your heart language.” Kay bit her lip. “But if I could, I’d say, it’s apologizing.”
Lu made an affirmative humming sound, causing their hands to vibrate over her chest.
“It’s saying, hey, I’m sorry, I just don’t love you the way I love Robert,” Kay continued, her voice trembling slightly. She drew her hand back into her lap, however she did not break their eye contact. Tears started to form behind her lashes and she did no effort to blink them away. “Say it.” Lu reached out to touch her cheek but Kay shook her hand away. “Say it, or I’ll never forgive you your cowardice.”
“I’m sorry I love you in different ways than you love me,” Lu said.
“No, no, no, you say it exactly as I said it. You can’t always hide behind your words.”
“Why do you have to draw Robert into this?”
“Maybe because I’m a jealous bitch.”
“I never wanted to mess with your relationship. I’ve been scared of that from the very beginning…”
“Well, you did.”
They stared at each other fiercely. A single angry tear fought its way out of the corner of Kay’s eye.
At that moment, the door to their left burst open and Robert stepped out of his room into the hall. “Not to interrupt your very interesting conversation, but I’m dying to take a piss.” He shuffled past them. No one spoke another word while they listened to the intriguing melody of urine hitting ceramic.
“She left?”
Crouched on the floor, Kay rested her head against the wall behind her. She did neither answer nor look up when Robert stepped through the front door and walked into the hall, his jacket tossed over his shoulder, the fly hanging loosely from its band.
His gaze fell on the shiny green plants sitting next to Kay like two bored children stuck with distant relatives for the weekend while their parents went out to get drunk and fuck loudly. His frown increased when he noticed a small, brownish notebook lying in short distance from the plant pots, a slightly crumpled note stuck to it.
“Isn’t that her notebook?”
Again, Kay remained silent, staring stubbornly at the bleak opposite wall in front of her.
“Wow, you like the dramatic effect, don’t you?” Robert snorted disparagingly.
“She was gone when I came back from work. She left this.” Kay sounded tired, like she had been sleeping with her eyes open.
Blinking with apprehension, Robert lowered himself to the floor in front of her. His features started shuddering under the weight of several emotions. He took Kay’s head and firmly pressed it to his chest, hiding her from his sorrow. She did not protest.
Then he picked up the note. It said:
Peel
that’s exactly what I do
hide behind my words
until it all blurs
shy away from
the world
cuddle comfortable paper walls
and swaying curls
look at photographs
through my blotchy letter lenses
hold hands instead of
holding hearts
that’s exactly what I do
preach the free soul
run from the call
hike the smaller mountain
hide in its shadow and
caress the shallow
that’s exactly what I do
see myself as tree
but no tree is
at any moment ready to
flee
so I peel and peel and peel
a pool of withered skin
wherever I
leave
that’s exactly what I do
only this time I leave my home with you
free myself of flees
please
forgive me
I love you
but it might not be true.
Kommentare