A Neat Cut

Axes

After whose stroke the wood rings,

And the echoes!

Echoes traveling

Off from the center like horses.

The sap

Wells like tears, like the

Water striving

To re-establish its mirror

Over the rock

That drops and turns,

A white skull,

Eaten by weedy greens.

Years later I

Encounter them on the road----

Words dry and riderless,

The indefatigable hoof-taps.

While

From the bottom of the pool, fixed stars

Govern a life.

Words // Sylvia Plath

BED – nearly MIDNIGHT

HER, HIM.

They lie in bed. She is facing him while he looks up to the ceiling. Her hand rests on his upper belly, following the subtle movements of his breath pouring in and out of his diaphragm. His right arm is slung around her body and he caresses her hip in a slow, steady rhythm.

HER

What are you thinking?

HIM

That’s your favorite question, isn’t it?

HER

Yes. (She smiles.) I just love hearing your thoughts.

HIM

(amused)

Oh, do you.

HER

And you really love being Mr Mysterious, don’t you?

HIM

(suddenly serious)

I just don’t like talking for the sake of talking. Language is a powerful tool.

HER

I'm not talking for the sake of talking, I'm asking you things because I'm actually interested in what you're saying.

HIM

(He reaches for his pack of cigarettes on the bedside table.) What are you interested in exactly?

HER

You.

HIM

(sighs)

You think you can understand people…

HER

I can at least try.

HIM

And then?

HER

I think that's my way of loving people.

HIM

No... (He lights a cigarette and takes a mouthful of smoke.)

HER

No?

HIM

I don’t think, you want this to be your definition of love. Love shouldn’t be about exercising power.

HER

(agitated)

Showing interest in other people isn't necessarily about exercising power! This is such an inherently male perspective…

HIM

Well, sadly, that's the only perspective available to me.

HER

That’s why you should be interested in hearing mine. To broaden your perspective.

HIM

Okay. I’m listening.

HER

Thank you. That’s exactly what it’s about. Listening. Not exercising power.

HIM

Only in theory.

HER

(She snorts.) And practically?

HIM

I’d say, for you, it’s about making book characters out of people.

The room falls silent.

HIM

Don’t worry, soon you’ll see that all this theorizing leads to nothing anyway. (He takes a long drag from his cigarette.)

HER

I’d say you started the theorizing this time, not me.

HIM

(laughs)

True. Sometimes your love for abstract concepts is contagious. I enjoy it more than I should.

She stares at the dim silhouette of his face for a few seconds, then rolls on her back to face the ceiling.

HIM

(puts out his cigarette)

But why don’t you talk about what you actually wanted to be talking about?

HER

(frowns)

Which is?

HIM

You wanted to criticize me for not showing enough interest in you.

HER

(She considers for a moment.) I might’ve wanted to express that sometimes I feel like you're not interested in me as a person.

HIM

You do realize that you're projecting your obsession with dissecting people onto me?

HER

Possibly. But I just don't understand how you cannot be interested in people you spend so much time with…

HIM

Okay, let me explain this to you. (He reaches for another cigarette.) I'm interested in what I need to know about people. I need to understand how people will react to my actions. Which I do, so…

HER

How can you be this utilitarian?

He flicks the lighter and sucks on his cigarette. She watches him intently. Smoke fills the space above their heads.

HIM

The concept of understanding people is an illusion. An illusion you have hopelessly fallen for.

HER

Even if that is true, I just can’t help being curious about people, about their thoughts and memories and ideas and dreams…

HIM

(smiles)

And that’s one of the reasons I like you so much, but please don’t try to impose it on me.

HER

I still don’t get how you supposedly know how people will react to your actions if you don’t bother with trying to understand them in the first place. Seems paradoxical to me.

HIM

It might be, in theory. But practically, it works. I never have trouble understanding your reactions, do I?

HER

Do you seriously believe you can see through me at any time?

HIM

Prove me wrong.

HER

(Her mouth twitches.) Is this really the game you want to be playing right now?

HIM

Not necessarily, we could also just go to sleep and leave it at that.

For several moments the room falls silent. She stares into the bleak darkness that is the ceiling, while he finishes his cigarette and stubs it out on the coffee cup next to his side of the bed.

HER

I guess I should talk about it anyway… So, yesterday - you know after we had sex and all that - I kind of really wanted to cuddle. I just felt like I needed someone to hold me and be there, a safe space… But you seemed so eager to get out of bed as quickly as possible… (Pause.) I know I should have said something, but before I had mustered up enough strength you were already out of the room.

HIM

(takes his time to answer)

I’m sorry I didn’t give you the opportunity to voice your needs.

He turns to face her and places his hand on the bare skin of her stomach. They stare into each other's eyes. She chews on her lower lip.

HER

There might be something else I have to confess. It’s a bit complicated… (She sighs.) Sometimes… when we start making out, I’m not completely sure yet, if I want it to become more or if I just want it to be cuddling, sharing intimacy, you know… So, I kind of go with it and see how I feel, and most of the times you convince me of the sexual part fast enough and it’s all fine and I’m super into it. (Pause.) But yeah, sometimes I kind of struggle to get into the right mindset. So that’s normally when I stop you and say I just wanna cuddle or something like that. But sometimes - and that was the case yesterday – I don’t say anything and just - it’s very paradoxical, and I don’t expect you to understand this – I just enjoy the sex in a different way. Somehow, I can appreciate how much you are enjoying it, even if I… am myself not feeling particularly sexual.

He remains silent.

HER (CONT.)

(fast)

There's actually something arousing in the thought that I don't really want it, but you're still doing it to me just because you want it so much… (She flushes.) This is where it becomes really confusing because your desire suddenly becomes my desire and half of my 'no' becomes a 'yes', so I stay silent but even if you'd ask me, I might answer yes but could not tell you anymore who was speaking, me or you or both.(She closes her mouth. )

Several more moments of silence follow her words. He turns to look at her.

HIM

Do you realize that you just killed all the trust between us?

She blinks, speechless for various seconds.

HER

Why?

HIM

Any words of consent of you in the future have lost their clear and absolute meaning. I can't trust them anymore. You changed the rules. And this is not a game I am willing to play.

She rolls over to stare at him. No answer passes her lips.

HIM

(sighs)

Do you realize you are making me a rapist by telling me this?

HER

(shaking her head)

You know that that’s not true. Don’t say things like that.

HIM

Well, in your eyes, I was fucking you against your will.

HER

But in your eyes, I was consenting, so that doesn’t make you a –

HIM

Why do you value your perception less than mine?

HER

Because I didn’t tell you… You didn’t know-

HIM

Exactly. As soon as you told me it became real.

HER

So, you would have preferred not to know?

HIM

Only a child would ask that.

She opens her mouth several times as if to speak but shuts it again.

They go to sleep as two bodies lying on a bed, separate, in silence.